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Not long ago, a fellow blogger on a different site described my daily dose of inane, insane ramblings, insights and observations as “Tea and sunshine” – stating that reading my less-than-deep meanderings always made him smile, and implying that my words are some of the first he gets to read over his morning cuppa (time differences).
That phrase – and indeed that compliment to my personality and outlook – warmed my heart and stayed with me. I still go back to read that comment because it makes me smile so much. Also, the blogger who referred to me in such a meaningful (to me) way knows just how tough the last couple of years have been for me.
Perhaps surprisingly, this has never been my natural disposition. I’m a born worrier, I’m competitive and I like to succeed – or better yet excel – in all I do. This mindset is what made me into a natural athelete and hard worker all those years ago.
It seems to me that disability moulds and tempers your attitude. I believe that you have to allow that change, because otherwise you would simply end up thinking of all that has been taken from you; you’d be bitter and angry about “what could have been”, rather than warmed by memories of “that which was achieved”.
I have epilepsy, related mobility problems and asthma. There are a lot of things that I am no longer able to do, such as competitive swimming, or cycling for pleasure.
I have, however, discovered hobbies, interests and skills that I may never have found if I were still out there working, training and competing – because I would never have had the time to discover them! I can cross-stitch to a fairly high skill level; I discovered a love for science fiction and I gain pleasure from collecting memorabilia, t-shirts and action figures; I gain great joy from cultivating seeds on the kitchen window sill and watching them blossom into a young plant that will develop into something magical; I decided to take up the acoustic guitar again, along with learning to play the ukulele. Why should I allow a bad day to affect my mood when I have all of this to be grateful for?
I never dwell on the days (such as today) when I am rendered bedbound through dizziness or seizure. I take pleasure in the days that I can be up and about with Dom, and try to make these “duvet days” as constructive as possible.
Allow it to gnaw at me when my eating disorder kills my appetite for a few days? Goodness no! Instead, I savour the first meal I can manage and enjoy it all the more, on account of being aware that it might be another two weeks before this wretched body of mine can entertain the thought of ingesting food again. I choose to be grateful to have food when I’m able, rather than stress about the days that I simply can’t. I try to view this as a hill that I have to climb: once I reach the top I need to learn to balance my centre of gravity so that I can remain at the summit.
When I finished mourning my grandmother I planted her favourite climbing rose (Crimson Glory) in my garden and decided to focus on the wonderful memories that she and I created together, rather than to look ahead at all the days that I won’t get to spend with her. She would have hated for me to be drifting around missing her when I can still smile and laugh at our cooking and gardening experiments over the years, and the weekly lunches and gossip that we used to share. My grandmother was one of the funniest, liveliest, most welcoming people who were ever put on this earth, with inner strength that would have immediately sent Goliath running for the hills. I remember her as that amazing tour de force in my mind. Not the frail little stick figure I last saw in a hospital bed; that wasn’t her.
No matter who you are, how healthy you are, how rich or poor you are, there are always positives that can help you to smile through the negatives. Believe me, I’ve found them and I embrace them wholeheartedly.
On the rainiest, stormiest, gloomiest day, there can always be Tea and Sunshine.
I totally agree; tea has always been there to calm me down: no matter if I was upset about my skin – or going through some emotional issue – the tea would always relax my nerves. Great post and I look forward to sharing more with you:))
Thank you! We love tea in this house and have so very many different varieties (the stranger it sounds the more we want to try it). Tea makes everything better
There’s metaphoric tea and sunshine too; perhaps it could be hammering rain against the window outside and you’ve had a bad start to the day… but you find your tea and sunshine in a comfortable armchair and a good book. You can find tea and sunshine in reading a positive response to a blog or a comment or a review, or it’s in your favourite feel-good film.
There are so many ordinary, everyday things that tea and sunshine exist in, if one only knows how to find and appreciate it
I’ve always admired your brilliant outlook on life!
Thank you honey; I’ve grown to learn that sudden restrictions through disability don’t have to be the end of the world. There’s positives in everything if you can come out from underneath the clouds for long enough to find it
A good cuppa is definitely an uplift, especially on a cold winter’s day like today, and especially when life’s downsides are getting at you. You are so delightfully positive, even when faced with your health or other problems. Mine (a bit of arthritis in the finger joints, and tinnitus in my left ear) are but minor in comparison. There are a lot of things which I’ve missed out on in life, but I try not to dwell on them, as to do so is, to me, wasted mental energy which I should focus instead on things which I can do and enjoy.
I continue to enjoy my pastimes of amateur radio, birdwatching (a flock of fifty or so Fieldfares graced the back garden of a neigbour for a few minutes a few days ago), photography and the Inertnet(tm); I’m looking forward to the vintage rally season in the late spring, and to trips out and away during the year.
Fieldfares?
We’ve only once seen Fieldfares here, so I’m jealous!
I believe that, when your body decides to go in a direction that you didn’t plan on (in my case I’m as I am, as opposed to the super-fit swimmer that I once was) you have to simply accept and adapt. It’s still possible to live a full and happy life, even with restrictions (you ought to see my flower borders in full bloom)
I was surprised (and pleased) to see the Fieldfares. I’ve never seen them before here; I understand that they come to Britain from Scandinavia in winter, where it’s presumably too cold for them, or perhaps their food is buried under snow. I got a fairly certain identification of them from the RSPB Book of British Birds.
I took a few pictures, but they’re not very clear; I may post one on LJ if I can find one that’s good enough.
I’ve had to accept the tinnitus (it started in 2005 after an ear infection and is 24/7). It’s a nuisance, but doesn’t affect me too much now I’ve got used to its being there all the time. I once contemplated trying to measure its frequency (several kilohertz from the sound of it) by building an audio oscillator and tuning it across the likely range of the ear’s internal whistle to see if I could get a beat note! Not that that would do anything to counteract it; just something to do out of curiosity
When I lived in Birmingham I was in my kitchenette with the window open, happily drying dishes. Suddenly the loudest clap of thunder that I have ever heard in my life had me cowering against the wall and I was rendered stone deaf and suffering from tinnitus for weeks! It hurt, and my left ear never quite recovered full hearing (which wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t already hearing impaired in my right ear). So yes; I know how loud and painful tinnitus can be
In 2010 we had a lovely flock of Redwings as well as the Fieldfares. I wish they’d come back!
I also wish that you would create a blog here
Ouch! Sorry to hear of the shock – and the lasting ear damage. My left ear is also pretty duff (measured at the hospital as about 20dB down) above about 1kHz, apart from the tinnitus.
I was very close to a lightning strike a few years back when visiting the East Lancashire Railway one Easter. I was standing outside Bury Bolton Street station entrance with some friends, when there was a sudden rushing sound and the dust on the ground started to move. Then there was an enormous flash and a deafening bang as lightning struck a church tower a hundred yards or so away.
The pulse ran underground through the mains wiring, and took out the radio system of the taxi office across the street. It also fried the Railway’s private telephone exchange (when I went into the station building, I noticed smoke coming out of the exchange room, and let the chap in the shop know. He was not pleased!). We were very lucky that we weren’t any closer to the church!
I’d love to see some Redwings, or other more unusual birds. The only Redwing I’ve ever seen was an aeroplane
(which visited Old Warden when I was working there, a Robinson Redwing, G-ABNX, built in 1930 and the sole survivor).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robinson_Redwing
Now that’s a sweet little plane! We really ought to take you round Duxford one day
It’s just as well that you decided to stay home today! We’re not exactly snowbound, but we have a good four to five inches and the roads are a mess of accidents and snarl-ups.
On the plus side, the snow brought a Wagtail into our garden! I adore those cheeky little guys
I’ve been to Duxford quite a few times, but not for many years now. I’d not mind at all meeting up there some time during the season. Duxford also has a radio museum which I’d like to have a look at; if I bring my licence with me, I might just be lucky enough to be allowed to have a go on the air.
The road outside is untreated, and people are driving very slowly. I reckon it’ll be three or four days before the snow has gone, at least. I doubt that many people got to the Canvey Island rally
It was nice to see the Wagtail. They’re occasionally to be seen in this area, but I haven’t set eyes on one for some time now; the last one I saw was in Devon, by the side of Slapton Ley, picking up the little crumbs that the waterfowl and other larger birds missed. They’re lovely little birds.
Just like me, you have decided to be FURIOUSLY HAPPY!!!
That’s the only – and best – way to be
Oh, YOU are tea and sunshine! How cool. The internet truly works in miraculous ways.
Yours is a very inspiring story.
Thank you!
The compliment from my friend was certainly not taken lightly – and if I can inspire others with chronic disabilities/illnesses to find the positives in life then that’s even better
My dear friend… you truly bring sunshine to my days! Such a positive attitude with humor and kick! No wonder so many of us are drawn to you… you’re that ray of sunshine that puts a smile on our faces… the cup of tea that says, “Come sit a while with me”.
Thank you so much! I can certainly say the same thing about you and your blog!