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When I was a child people hadn’t really heard about Autism. Many doctors were trying to cover the condition up as a myth, and many social workers would misinterpret Autism as parental neglect.
It’s a sad fact that many of them still do. However, today I’m blogging about being a child with Autism, not about having a child with Autism and all of the legal and medical battles I had to face to prove that my son needed help and that I needed support. I shall save that for another day. I’ve been asked to try to explain what it is like to be a person with Autism, so that is what I shall do.
I was a seemingly normal little girl. Blonde, pretty, inquisitive and with a huge interest in English Language, English Literature and History. I skipped rope in the playground; I chased boys playing “kiss-chase”. I did handstands against the school wall and giggled with friends. I even had a “boyfriend”; Jonothan.
By the time I began school I had the reading, writing and vocabulary skills of a seven year old (I was not quite five) and hearing about early man bored me because I was already learning about the colourful Medieval period due to my Grandfather’s own passion for that time in history. In those subjects I was learning nothing, because there was nothing for me to learn.
On several occasions my mother was asked to visit the Headmistress. Initially I believe it was to do with my advanced reading and writing ability because the Headmistress believed that I was somehow cheating. My mother explained that you simply couldn’t get my nose out of a book if there was a book anywhere in my vicinity.
As to my history apathy? The Head realised that I was far advanced in my knowledge, I think, as she would attempt to catch me out with a sudden question and I readily knew the answer. She began to set me more advanced tests to the other children and I always passed.
I was seen as a gifted child. It didn’t occur to anybody that I might have “special talents” that I adhered to because I was Autistic. Back in 1979 that wouldn’t have been something that sprang to anybody’s mind.
It was in the playground that my condition really presented itself. I was a loner for the most part, with few friends. I would spend dinner hour spinning around and around on the spot, looking up at the sky, because I loved feeling almost dizzy enough to collapse.
To me, I was the only living, breathing person on the planet. Everybody else – including my parents – were robots that had somehow been manufactured to keep me company. The reason I thought like this was that I couldn’t feel what they felt and had no empathy whatsoever. If a child teased me and I were to hit them during one of my meltdowns, it would not occur to me that the child I’d hit could feel pain in the same manner that I could. They weren’t real to me.
On regular occasions I would simply switch off, or “blank out”. It’s still not known whether this is one of my Autistic traits or if I was having Epileptic seizures, but back then it was put down to an imaginative writer “daydreaming”. Obsessions came and went; they still do.
Now, as an adult, I still have trouble communicating with people. I still find it physically painful to maintain eye contact for long, I don’t always understand something that is being said to me because I interpret it in an entirely different way, and I will sometimes say something inappropriate or hurtful in a situation without meaning to and without understanding why people are upset. Those who matter understand and try to explain. I need them to do that.
It can be very difficult for a person with Autism to blend in. We do try though, and we long to be accepted. The reason that many of us indulge in our hobbies, interests and/or obsessions so much – rather than interact and mingle – is that we are often afraid of being misunderstood and ridiculed.
Please, give us a chance before writing us off as people making excuses for the way we are. When you do that, you only serve to increase the stigma surrounding brain disorders and cause people to be afraid of us.
We are not slow, or stupid, or challenged, or somehow alien. We are people, just like you. Our brains are just wired a little bit differently to anybody elses.
It is difficult for us “Auties” to integrate with so-called neuro-typicals. Please bear with us and accept that not everybody can be like everybody else. Many Autistic individuals have given much to this world; artists, scientists, psychiatrists, musicians… any Autistic person near you might be the next person to change the world for the better.
Fantastic post – well said.
I am not autistic. But I was considered ‘strange’ as a child. A loner in the playground. Always had my head in a book. So this post reminds me of my childhood experiences too.
And as a Doctor Who fan I love the title! Have you read ‘Time and Relative’ by Kim Newman? It is a story set in spring 1963 told from the point of view of Susan. If you haven’t read it, I could lend you my copy.
Ruth
Given my love for Doctor Who, it was actually that very first episode that inspired the title of this post. I’ve watched a lot (all the ones available) of the First Doctor episodes, and Susan was certainly different – and not simply because she was alien. There was something else about her. Therefore, it seemed fitting to use the title
I shall certainly have a look for that book after the weekend – thanks for pointing me at it! If I can’t find it I’ll let you know and accept your offer of a loan with thanks
WE ARE THE SAME!!!!!
Love you, Gemma <3 <3 <3
Awwww, you know I’ll always love you too Jojo!
We’re the same in a lot of ways, but that only makes us special
I just forwarded this post to a niece who has an autistic daughter. Little Kailyn is a delight to all of us… so very different, but already those of us who see life deeply, have an appreciation for her gifts and talents. I think she is the coolest little great-niece because she IS different! In fact, much of what you wrote about growing up was much like me! I am not autistic, but I was different, and I knew it. Socially, I just never fit in. I still don’t. These days I enjoy the animals and nature, feeling a close connection to them rather than the outside world. This is an awesome post!! Thank you so much for openly discussing Autism, for others to have understanding.
I am so glad that you found this post inspiring enough to share, and I hope that sending it on to your niece will help her to understand her little girl’s train of thought somewhat. Feel free to reblog me, point your friends at this entry… whatever you wish to do. Speaking openly about Autism can only help others to understand and be aware
Thank you for this honest post!
My thesis for history honours is on autism and part of my thesis will look at the “refridgerator parent” theory. It was a horrid idea. Part of my thesis also looks at an Australian 2008 federal case study involving an Aspergers and ADD boy who was told he could not use the school bus to get to school or go on school excursions or participate in all of his classes based on his behaviours. Somewhere the school missed that part of ASD is behavioural due to the triad of impairments! Despite this blatant case of discrimination the judge in the High Court decided IN 2008 NO LESS that a diagnosis of ASD did not excuse his so called “inappropriate behaviour” and therefore the child was not being discriminated. Let me tell you, I was pretty damn disgusted by this!
Until people understand what an ASD is and what it entails, there are always going to be people with no time for a scientific (and very real) diagnosis. It is very frustrating.
BRILLIANT! *Rapturous Applause*!!!
What a wonderful post you have told me so much. I have a nephew with Asperger’s ( not the same as autism I know) I have worked in a children’s home with many autistic children. That was a shame because they had been lumped in with all the difficult and troubled children from sad and awful back grounds who because of their back grounds could be merciless with the Autistic children. Then one day an acquaintance of many years bumped into me at the Drs. I asked how she was. She announced that she had just reached 60yrs and was relieved to have just been told she had Autism!
She barked at me that it was a relief, that she had never been able to show any affection to her two boys or her husband though she knew she loved them. Also she had always been in trouble at work for being “rude”. That, I could understand as she could be cutting and did not hold eye contact. I did wonder why she was happy or relieved with her diagnosis … then after reading your post just now I realized she had had to struggle all her life wondering why we were all so odd!
I thought I knew about Autism, I thought I had a handle on it ….. but you Rose have taught me more in your post than years of experience has ever done. THANK YOU Rose. I am grateful. xxxx:)