D’s mother has never organised a wedding. The reasons for this are that D’s baby brother has no intention of tying the knot, ever, and D’s little sister told the family about her wedding after the event (“Hi big brother, your little sis just got married”).
Until I came along it didn’t seem that D would ever marry either. Having said that, his sister always thought that some woman crazy enough would stumble along one day – and here I am!
When D’s Mum discovered that we weren’t organising a reception (just drinks at a local hotel afterwards) she got a glint in her eye, waved her theoretic magic wand and said “You can has wedding reception for lovely guests!” (translation: “OMG I’m so excited and I have to organise something because I won’t get to do it again and I just love organising fun things and lovely noms for people” – all of which is true and she is Awesome. I mean really, really awesome).
She has really gone to town on this, bless her. She booked the prettiest function room available (The Tudor Bar) whilst also remembering my love for Medieval and Tudor history, and looked down several menus to make sure that there are vegetarian options and that people with food intolerances (such as myself) don’t get poisoned. There are sandwiches of various kinds, samosas, nibbly things, mini quiches (I think), salads… basically the normal thing you’d find at a wedding buffet. Lactose intolerance bedamned – I bet you any money that I shall end up trying all the things! We were never going to have a sit-down set meal because – to us – that’s not only stupidly expensive in today’s economy, but it’s formal and dull and puts a real dampener on what ought to be a celebration (I’ve been to many weddings – including two of my own – and have never met a formal wedding breakfast that I enjoyed. So stuffy and *yawn*). Also there will be no “first dance”, because D has two left feet and I’ve been too crippled to dance for years.
There was also going to be No Cake. Because it was only going to be a nice informal thingy of getting a bit tiddled after the ceremony, because D doesn’t like cake and because I can’t eat cake.
Well there is now tiered cup cakes for those who wants them. I assume a bit like the one in the photo, but without the big iced froofy thing on top. Just little cup cakes. She has also gone and got napkins printed out for the event!
She apologised in advance for not being able to book the Doctor to materialise the TARDIS in the middle of the bar. He’s probably booked to go and save The Lost Moon Of Poosh that day – again. Never mind, perhaps somebody will turn up wearing a Fez in my honour, or something.
I am so grateful to have a bridesmaid as grounded and comforting as my wonderful friend Liz. I may have done this before, but even if it’s not your first time down the aisle it’s a huge event – and this autistic epileptic will need someone solid to prop her up. I don’t want to start stimming, or go into anxiety, or seize or something awful like that; I can’t control some of my autistic gestures but maybe Liz can calm me enough to get rid of the worst of them.
Anyhow, three weeks today, at 4PM, in a little registry office in a pretty Essex town, I shall be marrying the love of my life. Then we shall probably say goodbye to our guests and the wedding party, and curl up in bed with a kebab and Spirited Away, the film that brought us together: