For a person who is both epileptic and autistic, it is very difficult to separate and analyse behaviours that might be due to one or the other or even both. Am I having a seizure because I’ve also suffered an autistic meltdown, or am I behaving in an autistic manner because I’m about to have a seizure?
After writing yesterday’s blog my mood changed completely. I was feeling very positive anyway, but I became hyper and incredibly excited about all I’d managed to achieve in one afternoon. I was even jumping up and down with glee – which I really must not do, given my mobility issues and the harm this could have caused me.
Not long after this excitable behaviour manifested itself I suffered a seizure. I would expect it around “girl time”, but this one was exceptionally bad. Thankfully it wasn’t serious enough to land me in hospital this time, but it was quite serious nevertheless.
This afternoon – after a very heavy sleep during the night – I was discussing this with D, and I told him that I knew what had caused the seizure; I told him that it was because I’d become hyper and overexcited and had subsequently worn myself out.
D thought about what I’d said for a moment, and then he asked me a very important question:
“Is it possible that your behaviour prior to a seizure is the symptom rather than the cause?”
A very good question, but – with my brain wired the way it is – how can anybody possibly tell?
As I said yesterday, I refuse to remain a prisoner to the epilepsy. You all know that I accept – and even embrace – my autism, but it is very difficult to discover where the autism ends and the epilepsy begins.
Whatever: I’m still proud not to be a supermarket tomato.