Hairs Gone Wild


Hairs Gone WildYet another tongue-in-cheek blog about so-called femininity to be taken with a large pinch of salt. Has the Dead Sea replenished itself from my last femininity blog yet?

This piece has been inspired by a group of lovely ladies who I met through a gaming site (yes; ladies are gamers too. Surprise!) and who all openly talk about female issues and generally make each other laugh. The title of this blog was dreamed up by a lady who we shall call Finess.

From grey hair to stray hair, women seem to have to worry about a lot when it comes down to appearance, but I come bearing news.

Women are hairy. It is official. We might colour our hair and we might shave certain body parts, but we do go grey and we are hairy. Some of us not only laugh about it, but we even embrace it as a part of growing older.  Some men are even quite accepting of female hairiness; I know that my husband  is. He’s certainly not accepting in a nasty fetishy way, but I don’t feel the need to hide the fact from him that I occasionally have to shave my chin either.

For example:

Husband from the hallway: “Are you all right up there?”

Me from spare room, with epilator buzzing: “I’m fine; I can’t go out to WI with a hairy chin though”

Husband: “Oh, okay; I was just checking”

Well there’s no point in pretending it’s a vibrator he can hear, is there? We have one vibrator and it has only been used twice because the real thing is so much better – and I wouldn’t exactly be using it prior to going to a Women’s Institute meeting.

He even knows not to ever, ever mention the stubble; because even though there’s no hiding or pretending, I will still be embarrassed because I’ve been conditioned that way.

But why should any woman feel ashamed of her natural body hair?

Sometimes I allow myself to be Queen Kong. The last time I went swimming I could feel my leg hairs waving about in the water. I hadn’t forgotten to shave my legs; I’m simply not that bothered about shaving them. Actually, that was not an unpleasant sensation.

All of my body hair grows quickly. Each time I have my hair cut my stylist has to trim at least three inches off – and that’s if I go to the salon regularly.

So imagine what the ladygarden must be like? If I let it do its own thing I could have braids down to my knees in that area, or a nice 70′s afro. The last time I decided to go weeding “down there” I discovered David Bellamy and a lost tribe. Since none of them were able to breathe in such a thick habitat they were all extremely grateful to me. I’m still waiting on my medal from Her Maj, but I’m still young enough that I won’t crumble into dust when she finally gets around to me.

Guys, what did you think tweezers were really for? Manicures? Well, that’s what some women want you to believe, but we have scissors for hangnails and such. Tweezers are for controlling errant eyebrows (including plucking silver threads, but I use my fingers) and removing that white chin hair that suddenly just appeared.

Now I’m going off to shave my chin.

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About Missus Tribble

Media volunteer for Epilepsy Action (UK) and advocate for both epilepsy and autism awareness. Seamstress, cross-stitcher, sci-fi lover, ukulele player and Chelmsford's own Pickling Pagan who wants to inherit a TARDIS when she grows up. In the process of writing an as yet unnamed book, with anecdotes and information about being epileptic and autistic - and seeing the funny side! Also an entertainment journalist for What Culture, where I write about Doctor Who.
This entry was posted in 2013, Attitudes, Body Image, Born This Way, Female Body Hair, Femininity, Feminism, Tongue-In-Cheek. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Hairs Gone Wild

  1. “David Bellamy and a lost tribe” Brilliant! If I had a fez I would doff it to you right now.

  2. epilepsymeandneurology says:

    the title reminded me of the patsy and edina ‘ab fab’ theme tune ‘wheels on fire…’ the content did not disappoint!

  3. ozzy-5 says:

    oh missus tribble you made me really laugh – “i could have braids down to my knees” hillarious stuff. When’s the book coming out??

  4. One good thing to being in a religious community: No-one cares if you shave or not. Some Sisters do have strange things going on with facial hair. Some of them chose to do something about it and some don’t. Like your D, we quietly just let each other get on with it.

    On a practical note, I find that keeping “down there” reasonably tidy is actually better for issues of hygiene, because when it comes to monthly girlie products, I’ve never got the hang of anything which requires inserting. TMI? Maybe, but who cares? ;)

    • I can’t insert anything that doesn’t come with an applicator, so you’re not alone there!

      I definitely agree on the hygiene bit!

      • It’s an absolute must to be hygienic about things. Especially when one only has one summer-weight habit. Not that that’s a problem just now, but I can see that it might become one at some point – and the one thing I really don’t want to have to do is wear a winter-weight habit in the middle of a heat-wave because the summer one has gone to the laundry. (We wear t-shirts and vests and things under the habits even in summer, because then they don’t need as much laundering unless something gets split on them.)

  5. finess says:

    This is absolutely fabulous. It made me re-live the laughter of the conversation we were all having that morning. I hope to inspire more.

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