My body, on the other hand, is made of Fail.
There will be no Fashion Friday this week because:
1: The weather is being typically English (i.e. craptastic)
2: Last night I had a seizure going up the stairs and crashed full-tilt on to the landing, injuring my right knee and the top of my left shoulder.
I am not getting out of bed today. Gods know what I might do to myself if I even think about attempting it. I’d behead myself or something, most likely.
I don’t mind the accidents and the injuries so much as I mind what these episodes do to my brain. Doctor Frankenfurter might think that “A mental mind-fuck can be nice” – but it really, truly isn’t.
First of all, little cells in my brain – thousands of them – are destroyed forever every time I have a seizure. They are simply wiped out, obliterated, fried. They do not regenerate in the way that other cells in the body do. This is why my articulation, speech and handwriting have deteriorated over the years. It is why I have to walk with a stick if I’m going more than 50ft from the house.
Then there is the confusion that hangs around for days or even weeks afterwards. Don’t ask me what I said last week because I’ve already forgotten responding to whatever you said to me two minutes ago. There’s disorientation and a sort of “brain fog” that won’t shift.
Also, nightmares. Not just any old type of nightmare – oh no, nothing so simple! – but nightmares that make you think you’re in a slasher movie or worse. My dreams the last few nights would disturb the Yorkshire Ripper; trust me on this, you really don’t want me to go in to them in detail for you.
My sleep pattern becomes completely shredded too. I’m awake when I should be asleep and asleep when I should be awake. This can become a bone of contention in the Tribble Household. We both know it isn’t my fault but one of us will still sometimes end up on the sofa. Usually D, as it’s far safer for me to be in bed – I have a nice wide area to not fall off and injure myself further should I seize again.
I’m glad I didn’t have anything but updating blogs and reading planned today!
I am used to this. I know that I will recover, but all the same…